root canal

I fucking had a root canal. It fucking hurt me. Don't ever have one! Boooooo!

3's a Crowd

I think this 3some matter deserves a vote. Let me know why you think I should or shouldn't do it. I will tally the votes and act accordingly, of course I will also report back my tale of dirty hilarity. It will be the ghetto sex and the city.

Cinco de Mayo Guy

So, as many of you have heard the story of my cinco de mayo celebration, I will only briefly re-cap before telling the tale of my most recent encounter with the infamous "Cinco de Mayo guy", or as some of you know him "tittyfuck guy". On Cinco de Mayo, my aunt Kathy, who is my Dad's youngest sister, had a party. I went, and most of the guests were friends from her work, including a guy named Josh, and 2 of my other aunts. After several pitchers of margaritas, her friends suggested that we go to Cowboys, and I, having never gotten wasted with my aunts before, agreed. We sang karaoke and had more drinks, and my aunt Kathy starts asking about my boobs. What bra size do I wear? What side of the family do they come from? etc..Josh overhears all of this and confesses that he can't stop thinking about my boobs. He asks me if he takes me home if he can tittyfuck me, and I, being very drunk agree because I think it will be hilarious. Long story short- we went to his house and had fun, although we forgot about the tittyfuck.

Now, I thought I'd never see this dude ever again, but I was very very wrong indeed! Yesterday I recieved a phonecall from one of my Muehlbauer aunts, requesting that I attend my aunt Kathy's 40th birthday party, which was to be held at none other than Josh's house. I show up and am introduced to the party guests including (to my horror ) Josh's fucking wife! She must have seen the look on my face because she said "don't worry, I know that you guys fucked each other and that's fine, we have a cool relationship". I was very thrown off by this, but she was really fun and we got along well the rest of the night. Throughout the party, Josh occaisionally came over to talk to me about my tits, proposition me for titty photographs, attept to cop a feel, request a private viewing, etc, which I found both hilarious and creepy. Toward the end of the night, as I was getting ready to go home, drunk off my ass, he pulls me aside and tells me that he talked to his wife about it, and they decided that they wanted me to join them for a threesome! I believe his exact words were "I'm going to give you a pearl necklace and then we're going to double team you". I thanked him for the offer, told him I was flattered, but that I don't fuck married people, even if it was going to be both of them at the same time. He was cool, and said the offer remained opened if I ever changed my mind. I left with Kristen and when we got into the car, I couldn't stop laughing for about 20 minutes.

I know his may be way too much information for some of you, but I thought it was to crazily hilarious not to tell.

Peace!

Harry Potter

Ok, I realize that by expresing my enthusiasm I may be revealing myself as the hugest loser of all time, but this latest Harry Potter movie blew my motherfucking mind!!!!! Holy shit! If you are any kind of HP fan, or even if you aren't, go see this movie, it blows all the other films away. It's fucking sweet, I won't say anything more because I don't like to ruin things for people. Also, I am about to cream my pants just thinking about the 7th book! Harry Potter!!!

4th of July

I never get to have fun on the 4th of July. I am always either at work, or have a huge lak of plans. Not that I give that much of a crap about celebrating the country, but barbeques and fireworks are fun! Today I will be working all day, and I get holiday pay which is double time, but I'm still sad. Blow something up for me.

E-mails

Can I just say how much I love getting naughty e-mails! Nothing perks up my day like checking my e-mail, expecting to get nothing but a bunch of spam and finding a nice little note filled with nothing but filth! It's awesome reading something so dirty at work, makes me not mind being there. Thanks Skye!

Cell phone

Is back on! I am once again in touch with the world! Call me!

Date 2

Was awesome, I heart dates!! 3 cheers for big black guys and their love of the curvy ladies! More exclaimation points!!!!